I WON'T BE SILENT

As I predicted, after beginning to post, I was threatened and told to take my posts down by one of the offending parties. I have insisted that I will not. However, their bullying has given me pause and I must process how to proceed.

But make no mistake: The story will be told. I will not be silent.

Through everything, I have been amazed- stunned- utterly shocked- by how much attention and grace and help the OFFENDERS are given, while the victims must hide in the shadows and be silent. Almost nothing makes me angrier.

While I believe in grace, in second chances, and in healing, I do NOT believe those things should take the place of justice, valuable consequences, and protection for victims.

As I sit here and want nothing more than to tell you everything, my blood boils.

To the person who has decided to share my posts with the offender, I want to clearly say you are aiding and abetting a pure criminal. This person has lied more times than I can count and chosen themselves over their children at every single turn. They do NOT care about the hurt they have caused. They only care about how they look to other people and how to stop others from knowing the truth. I will find out who you are, and we will have a reckoning. Your sharing has cost me thousands of dollars and has cost my children the protection they need and deserve. If you have any moral bones in your body, you will stop helping the offender hurt us. *If anyone knows who the ‘notifier’ is, please reach out.* Two can play at this game.

To the offender, who is no doubt reading this: there is no one on earth more despicable than you. And as I have told you, I continue to pledge to tell the world what you have done. I will not stop until you admit what you did and apologize. (Fellow readers, the offender in this case says, “That would be unhealthy” for my kids.) To the offender: TELL THE TRUTH, you coward.

***In the meantime, I want to share a few more resources with you kind readers, and especially those who are trying to parent their children well.***

First, I want to tell you that reporting suspected child abuse is always safe and always the first step. Any citizen is allowed to report suspected abuse. This will NOT result in children being separated from families immediately or police rushing in to arrest someone, unless it is a very, very horrendous situation. Reporting just opens the door for help for the victim, and for protection. If you have doubts about what is going on, STILL REPORT. The phone number to report is 1-800-392-3738.

Second- for less-than-tech-savvy parents: here are a few simple things to do TODAY to check what your kids are looking at online.

1.     Almost everyone knows how to look at search history on browsers, but if you don’t, here it is: open browser; look for the three dots in the upper right corner; click into the menu; look for something that says “history” and click that. Look carefully at the headings to see if you are looking at “recent history” or “Closed tabs” – what you want is “ALL HISTORY.” From there, you can scroll through the list and see everything that has been looked at on that device.  Do this on phones, laptops, ipads, anything. Unfortunately, kids know about this too and can clear the browsing history easily. 

2.     Your google search history follows you everywhere you are signed into a device. So even if the person has cleared their browsing history, you can go to google and click on the little symbol in the right-hand corner that has a photo.  Mine also says “Show More” icon and be in their account. Now click on “manage my google account.” On the left menu, click the “data and privacy” choice. Scroll down to “History settings” and click “My Activity.” Scroll down and you will be able to see every site visited/searched for wherever your child was signed into their google account- this includes their phone, ipad, or even friend’s devices. This is where I found a treasure trove. My kid thought they had erased history and could hide everything. Unless they know how to go in and delete google history, everything is there.

Again, two really great apps to add to phones or devices to protect kids are:

1.     Troomi- this gives full parental control on devices and still allows your kid to have a “cool” smartphone- you can buy the device from Troomi and they have galaxies and iphones.

2.     Bark- this is for a kid who is a bit older but is still very helpful to parents.  I liked that this one sent me the text of any messages that were concerning and even could block certain songs on Spotify based on lyrics.

None of this- NONE OF THIS- is a substitute for being attuned personally to what your kid is doing online. You aren’t invading their privacy. You can choose to not read all their texts or whatever, but what they search for is like letting every predator in the world into your home. It is your job to protect them, just as you would physically if there were predators circling outside your house.

Finally, I want to share one resource that was excellent. We were given great help by an organization that helps teach youth appropriate s*xual behavior, as Adam got closer and closer to crossing lines. This organization was local to us but led me to also find resources at Homepage Content | NCSBY – the National Center on the S*xual Behavior of Youth. There are resources for parents AND for kids struggling with managing their own behaviors. *If you are local and you know me, please reach out if you are having any issues and I can point you to the more local organization.”

If you have other resources to share, please put them in the comments.

That’s all for today. I will continue to share…I will not stop. If what we’ve been through can help anyone, I will share. I just need a little bit more armor first. Send me your strong thoughts and wishes for justice.